Into the entrepreneurial world with clarity and Understanding the secrets to leadership and leading yourself first.
All right. I’m going to get started a minute and I’ll bring you in. So I’m pretty excited today. I’m popping my cherry with the best man to do it. Yes, that’s that’s me. and today we officially have the inaugural guest on the mind of George show. I’m pretty stoked about this on, Dom, who is on the show.
Dominic, please pronounce your last name. “Qartuccio” And it’s easier if you, if you do your fingers like this, if you do the Italian fingers, it’s like 25% easier to say, you’re listening, we’re doing the fingers to each other. And that wouldn’t make sense. But if you’re driving, just put your knee on the wheel safely and you can do it.
You know, the cartoon. If you’re watching that, you’re watching me mimic this out right now, but super stoked to be here. I’m super stoked to have him and super stoked to get into what we’re doing into today, which you already know. Cause you listen to the intro, but Dom, before we get into any. Any of the weeds, anything you want to talk about and things we’re gonna expand today?
I have a really important question for you. Yeah. It hit me. What is the biggest thing, the mistake that you have ever made in business?
The biggest mistake I ever made in business, you know, the biggest mistake I ever made in business was high. So to answer that biggest part of my background was 15 years in corporate and financial services. I’ve been an entrepreneur for four years.
That wasn’t my biggest.
No, no, no. Yeah. I want to be very clear. I’m not vilifying my time in corporate, but what I will say, the biggest mistake I ever made was, was believing that someone else had more clarity around how I should be building my career than myself. And I always looked towards VP, senior VP CEOs in the corporate space to say, Dominic, this is what you should do next. This is what you’re capable. This is your path. And I never believed that I could even be my own business owner. And so as soon as like, I recognize that, no, like I’m the one who calls the shots in my life.
Not only did, I mean, be long for the corporate space, but it opened up this whole new world of freedom for me.
And, Oh God, that’s such a good kind of opening. So I kind of heard some of the takeaways in that, but like, what would you say both from a perspective of like staying in that corporate world when you had the clarity and then coming out. Into the entrepreneurial world with that clarity, like what is a lesson or a learning tip for you that was applied to the corporate world that do to kind of, you kind of not become a black sheep, but you, you kind of become a pivotal, the last set in the world of corporate. When you think like that and live like that. And then entrepreneurship, it has its own skill set. So can you just talk briefly, like what one of those takeaways were and how you applied it in corporate and then how you use that in your life and entrepreneurship as well?
Yeah. I mean, one of the things that I learned in corporate is. In corporate, there’s a lot of structure. There are systems, there are legacy systems I worked for, or 150 year old insurance company called Prudential. Financial is top 75. I think it’s a corporate, 75,, Forbes, like one of the top 75 companies in the world. Sorry. I’m on fday our. Four of my five day fast. And sometimes I lose my thinking.
Dom is doing an amazing, assistant fast and I’m proud of him. And he’s watching us eat on calls cause domino talk a couple of times a week and we’re eating on calls and drinking coffee. And he’s like, what is it? Like, I want the details like. What’s in it. What does it taste like? Like what’s the texture like .
George has got this like decadent iced coffee that has cinnamon almond milk and 30 grams of honey local honey. Like I’ve know it down to the detail. Cause I’m like, so craving that. And in 24, 48 hours, I will be there myself, but in the back to the answer, like in the corporate space, I learned about structure. I learned about systems. I learned about routines and those were suffocating to many degrees in the corporate space, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to break free. But in the entrepreneurial world, I see so many creative thinkers, so many big ideas, so many different ways of doing life. But I also, I also see a lack of structure.
I see a lack of an ability to execute, to create a big vision that may take years to execute on and then to show up on a daily basis and to get it done. So, yeah, like I think that was one of the biggest things that I’ve been able to take over from my corporate days is to provide that structure. With freedom to get big things done.
I love it. So, yeah. And when I hear that, it’s really interesting. Right? Cause I can not world when we work for somebody else in their structure, it’s like suffocating, right? And then we come out and we work for ourselves. And like, for me personally, when I left the Marine Corps, I was like, screw this like 12 years of like 3:00 AM, wake ups and blah, blah, blah, blah and that lasted for about six months until I realized that there was some truth to a lot of it. I just didn’t like it being forced upon me. I wanted to enforce it on myself. And then literally my path forward has been trying to find ways to get back to that level of discipline and structure. But with this new lens of applying it to my business, Same thing with you, right?
I was gonna say, like I grew up Catholic school, seven years of Catholic school followed a lot of rules, grew up with a family that was loving as like, they’re amazing, but also lots of rules. I learned how to follow rules, follow rules and structure. And I was great inside that system because I knew what to do in order to get the praise. It’s a to please the people who set the rules, but that felt equally suffocating. And over time I was really resentful of it. Now I thrive like crazy when they’re structure, I thrive in a morning routine, thrive with an evening routine, thrive with the daily meds, imitation practice.
We’ll get into practices and all the things that I do on a daily basis, but I want it to be my fucking choice and like once, once it became my choice and it took me a while to learn like how to make my own decisions. In a powerful way because I’d let so many people make so many of my own decisions for me for so much of a period of time in my life, I had to, it was like, kind of like, you know, that baby deer kind of like knees buckling into each other for a little while now. I’m really good at knowing how to make these choices in my life, where I can have enough structure, enough, flexibility, enough freedom at different points in time to get the things done that I want to do.
I love it. And I think it, that leads me to like, when you were talking like Nelson Mandela popped into my head, when you said that, like you said, that. I want to create the structure like, ah, yeah. Oh my God. It’s really weird, man. For those of you listening right now, Dom and I are on video and he has a Nelson Mandela book on his desk that I could not see. Please vouch for me. I could not see that.
But if literally the only book on my desk, it’s the prison letters of Nelson Mandela, and I, and like you, so go ahead.
And what, what I think is so important and one of the reasons that I lean into you Dom so much, so, so Dom just for everybody’s reference, Dom is a friend, a soul brother, also a mentor, a mentee, we trade roles in each other’s lives often. And Dom, you, I’m going to speak about you. Like you’re not here. Dom you are somebody that I lean in to a lot when it comes to, like leadership and grounded leadership and reflection, like you are a master of, I would call it like. Discipline and intentionality together and showing itself in real life form, but from a heart centered, moving forward place, not obsessive, not like, Oh, you’re like a hard ass or like, well, my mama, like, no, like from a very heart centered approach, like. Understanding that the secret here is leading yourself first.
And so one of the things I asked ’em before the episode fair, but he listening is, I told him, I said, Hey, I want to be different than everybody else. And this is kinda how I roll. And so, Hey, whatever, you know, to be the best of the best that you have. I want you to give it to everybody on the episode for free to put it into practice today.
And so Dom, at the end of the episode, he’s going to basically give you a couple steps or a step by step process to. Understanding the secrets to leadership and leading yourself first, which is the biggest secret here. But Dom, can you just give us like a good 30, 45 second, like what that entails and what people are gonna be looking forward to and like what that really means in their life?
Absolutely in my work, I work with a lot of leaders that are very successful. And what they are constantly asking me for when they bring me into work with them, teams is how do I get my people to get more done? How do I get them to work with more urgency? How do I hold them accountable? And those are three relevant questions, but they’re the wrong ones, because none of those questions are addressing the most important person in the room, which is the leader themselves. Like, how is the leader mastering the art of leaving him or herself first, before trying to impose their leadership style upon others. And almost every time that I went into an organization, small business or whatever, I found that the leader was embodying the very behaviors that they wished to either transform or vanquish in the people that they’re leading.
So if they’re looking for urgency in their employees, they’re embodying the very lack of urgency. That they wish their employees demonstrate. If they want to get more things done, the more important things done. There are people I’m finding that they’re not getting the most important things done and that’s vibrating and emanating through the lower levels of the organization.
I love it. I’m stoked. So we’re gonna do that the end of the episode, because I want you guys to listen to the context here. Dom is a, he’s a, he’s a walking mic drop, and I think it’s important. But at the end, I want you to, I want you to listen through this episode through the lens of what lands for you, right? Like we’re going to be talking about leadership and listening and self care and humility and results and the things that come in life. And some of them are gonna stick for you. You’re listening. You can listen again. You can call me back, but at the end, I want you to be intentional. You can just save the last 10 minutes of the episode and you can pin it for later.
If you’re driving pin it for later, if you’re at the gym pin it for later. And I want you to be intentional with it, which is one step in leading yourself first, which is creating containers, which I just recorded an episode on this morning and using that thinking time. But I want you to really take, and I want you to give it the love and the attention that it deserves, because what I will tell you about leadership and what Dom will assure echo is his leadership is about giving it the intentionality and the, the awareness of it is what makes the biggest shift, not necessarily the doing this or the implementation of it.
It’s the, the awareness of it. So at the end, You know, whatever it’s five minutes or 10 minutes. I want you to keep that part. And I want you to set some time, a pocket of time to listen to it, put it down on paper, put it into practice test and apply it to the lens of your life because. The truth is in Dom said this at the very beginning of the episode, when you Dom, where we’re talking about structure, and we have these bee hags, these big, hairy, audacious goals that we want to get too, but yet we miss the connection to that vision.
And so every day we’ll be working, thinking we’re going towards that goal, but we’re not really, we’re distracted. We’re off charts. We’re a little bit here. We need a little bit of patience and today, and in every episode like this, and especially when you listen to these things, if you take one thing. Take 10 minutes with intentionality and you put that into practice today and you continue that practice tomorrow. You tweak it and tweak it and tweak it. You ended up hitting a different continent if you change that compass, you know, one or two degrees. And so I’m super, super excited about that. And before we get any further down, I think it’s really important that people know where to find you. You know, we’re going to be covering a lot today and, and my job here is to help. Kind of expand your message. And so for everybody listening, you know, Dom has an amazing podcast. So Dom, can you just tell them the best place to find you the name of your podcast? Not waiting to the end of the episode window?
The podcast is called “the great man within” podcast, the great man within, and you can find that anywhere podcasts are downloaded and it’s, we speak towards men who are looking to discover and live the great man that’s inside of them. Every guy’s got the guy he lives today. And then there’s this greatness inside of him. That’s lying, dormant, constantly speak to, right? So we speak to the, we speak to purpose. We speak to intention. The things that light you up and give you ultimate performance in every single day. And George, one of the things that I really want to bang on that you just talked about one of the biggest misconceptions about purpose. Cause most of the guys who come to me are looking for purpose. They feel a sense of restlessness that they have more in the tank that they have potential. They haven’t tapped it. They know how to get at it. There’s this belief, that purpose is some massive thing that exists way off in the future that requires years or decades or a lifetime to experience.
And I played that game for many years in my life, constantly feeling like it was out, out there and not here. And what you just talked about is the secret to purpose is really purposes lived on the day, told right through inspired action through feeling that aligned. It’s like, Oh, like I can find, I can be lit up in the mundane parts of my existence, or I can find, I can be lit up knowing that I’m chopping wood and carrying water.
The Buddhist philosophy of the path to enlightenment is chopping wood. Carrying water. And if you can find peace and reverence in the smallest of things, cause you know what it’s in service of that happens here today. Every moment, like in, in any moment that’s available. So when I, when I made the shift of, Oh, purpose is not this big thing, that’s separate from me in the future but it’s here right now. Then my days became much more vibrant. Then my days became more mysterious and exciting. It was like every day there was a new gift to open up if I chose to see it. And, and that’s one of the reasons why I joined your mastermind is because. I could feel that emanating from you. You live that every single day and there’s, you can clearly see and feel the people who are living that everyday versus the people who set bee hags, and they talk all day long about bee hags, and they seem miserable every day that they’re living that Beehag cause they think that what they’re looking for is out there.
I want to jump in on this and we’re diving into this now. So, everybody just so you know, women too. One of the things that I teach people all the time is don’t put a label or container on it. Dom is a master at teaching principles that can be applied to audit the masculine or the feminine. And also what I love about, people like Dom, I listened to a lot of podcasts that are women oriented only to have a better understanding of me and my wife and my daughter and how I relate to them. And so give it a listen. And by the way, husbands boyfriends just slide an episode into their DMS. Hey honey, I found this, this dude’s awesome, right? Like just, yeah. Trojan horse, man. It’d be like Dom told me to write advocate your responsibility in it, but send it in there, send it in there.
And if you don’t mind, if I jump in on that too, actually, one of the, the number one way that people find on my podcast is our women listener audience is so big. They’re the ones, they’re the number one ones who are pulling it, like doing what you just suggested. They’re bringing their men in because many of the episodes that we have, we bring on. Like women experts, some amazing women guests on there dropping mind blowing bombs. Sure. Go ahead. Tell her number one was our number one most downloaded episode. We run a podcast for men. Our number one most downloaded episode is “a man’s guide to the menstrual cycle”. And we had a, a few women who wrote the book wild power, who run the red school to come on and teach our listeners the four seasons of a woman’s menstrual cycle. And look what we can do to support what may be needed. And that episode is like by far and away our most.
I love itand one of the things that you just said, I want to dive into this purpose thing, right? And you gave me a credit. So thank you heard, received, publicly. And, I got there by accident, big, hairy audacious goals, scared the shit out of me because there’s a part of me that believes that I can almost get it and have it, which challenges my belief system as a human based on my paradigm. Right. And so I find that when I set big, hairy, audacious goals and I focus on them, I tend to deter down these paths of self sabotage. And so for me, understanding myself not really anymore, but understanding myself as that, it was also more supportive of me to have a tight container of like living my purpose.
Like, what’s the difference I’m going to make today? What is the lever I’m going to pull today? That is going to at least get me, my family, my team, and my customers. One step closer to all of us being in our goals and that mindset. Came out of survival, right? Like it came out of fear and scarcity and survival, but it also became a very powerful tool because. In order to be able to live in the moment every day, I have to have a solid foundation, things that work and they’re supposed to work. Right. And, you know, that’s like, I, I’m not going into my group. Like pretty, you know, pretty unique, like I’m tattered, scarred bruise. Like I live and I live hard and sometimes I pay for it, but I also do the same thing in business.
And so when you talk about this Dom, you know, A massive something that landed hard for me last week that I read was depression comes from thinking about the past that anxiety comes from worrying about the future. And I think right in that moment, the third stands up to that, that I would add. And happiness comes from being in the presence you should like right now, which is purpose, like presence is purpose. And, you know, I want you to expand upon this, but I did want everybody listening to share. I think for the, I’m getting emotional, I think with entrepreneurs, I feel like the world that we live in, even as humans is, is from a paradigm perspective, set us all up to fail. Like it’s supposed to look a certain way.
It’s supposed to feel a certain way. We can only share about certain things. Like you have to want Rolexes and private jets. You have to be flexing. You have to be boom. And nobody talks about just finding a fucking smile in a room full of entrepreneurs that are there sharing the same goal and enjoying that moment and realizing that that moment’s never coming back. And it’s fleeting. Right? I watch people like everyone’s like when you go to events, you state the whole time, like these are amazing people. I just want to connect with them like, Oh, I’m going to go get ready for four hours. I’m going to go give my speech. Then I’m not talking to anybody. I’m like why? Like, I’m here to talk to people. Like I’m here to community, like community to create connection. Like, this is my purpose. Like, this is. Yeah, like, this is all I have. And you’re somebody who exemplifies this and nails this, but everybody listening, like I think it’s just really important to pull the veil back on entrepreneurs.
And like, I’ll be the first one to rip the curtain back that I didn’t get to this point of like living hard and living happy and finding joy in the moment because like, I was trained on me. Like it was the only way I could survive and I’ve spent most of my life depressed and an anxiety in the old days of setting those goals. Like Lindsay, my wife used to come to me. And she used to be like, Hey babe, you know, like I, in one day, this is what I want our dream house to be in. Like, I want these horses and I would break down crying and go and break down for three days. Cause my brain only heard tomorrow. I’m like, how am I going to have a $5 million property in 60 for horses and rescue wild horses tomorrow? And she’s like, No, like sometime in the next 40 years it will be, Oh, why can’t I share goals? Right. But it was like, I had so much anxiety about the future because I was like, Oh, can I create that too? I have that role to add that. And I was disconnected from that moment. Like that moment, where in that moment there was joy. There was expression. There was. Happiness. There was like future pacing and casting of like positive energy and manifestation. And for years I missed it because I was way too out there in the weeds. And so, I did want to share that for everybody, because I think it’s important to know that no matter what level you reach as an entrepreneur, as a, as a human, as a person in life, what we reach as we reach a new level of game where the practice gets harder, but the results are also 10 times greater.
When you stick it out and it all comes in that purpose. So I would love to kind of dive into that. So do you have any, you know, from your perspective, you coach a lot of high level, fortune 5,100, you know, people, corporate America that are higher achievers and in my, and I’m just going to rip the bandaid off in my, in my perspective, live transactionally, right?
Like, boom, boom, boom. Get this some Kimbo, but not all of them. Yeah. But like the world in which they live. Is predicated on that. Right? It’s the old boys club politics, the transactions. And like, I think what’s up amazing about you is you lived in that corporate world. Well, you found your purpose and figured out a way to mesh the two. And I think it’s really powerful. So yeah. So can you dive into that and talk about that for everybody? Like what that looks like living in that purpose. And then now you have an open floor here.
I think one of the things you said is really important about why so many of us are seeking and craving purpose is to provide that anchor and stability and clarity in the present moment. For why we’re doing what we’re doing. Why does it make sense to wake up every day? Like what, like, why am I laboring? And if you know what it’s in service of, then it gives you a reason to do the hard work. It gives you a reason to deal with the frustrating clients. It gives you a reason to deal with the rejection.
And so that’s why we’re seeking purpose is because we want clarity in these present moments, but we don’t, we lose sight of that sometimes. Yeah. I think what we’ve, what we’ve distorted purpose to mean is. When I slay that dragon, when I hit that, Beehag when I climbed that mountain, then I’m going to unlock this series of feelings that I have been unable to access at up until this point in my life. And once my business hits seven figures, once my biggest business, it’s eight figures. Once, once my business does the billion dollar mark, then I will feel the thing. And, and, and, and those things are great goals to have, but it’s misguided because whenever you hit that place, You find out that the feeling is transient and you can study this with every anyone who’s climbed those mountains, right?
You listen to Jim Carey who talks about this. I wish everyone could be rich and famous. You can realize that being rich and famous is not all it’s cracked up to be. You can talk to Phil Jackson. Who’s coached 11 NBA championships with Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal. He’ll tell you when he won his first championship as a player on the New York Knicks, back in the seventies. He was excited for a few days. And then he realized it didn’t really make much of his life that much easier. Sure. He’s got more money, a little bit more fame, but what, but like, but nothing really changed. And so what he realized, and he’s a deep spiritual practitioner, he realized it’s super deep, learn how to blend Buddhism Christianity, studying the Lakota tribe and native Americans and brought all of that into actually coaching six NBA championship teams with the Chicago bulls and five more with the Lakers.
What he found was purpose is being deeply engaged in whatever it is you’re doing in the moment. Now here’s the other thing I want to bring on that I’ve learned that purpose also requires an ability to hold paradox. And what I mean by holding paradox is if you think about Eastern philosophy, it’s all about. All there is, is the present moment. All there is is now happiness is in the, now you talked about right, like depression is from being consumed with the past. Anxiety is fear of the future. Like being in the present moment. Absolutely. I was for a sense of purpose allows for a sense of peace. But if you only lived for the moment without consideration for the fact that there are downstream effects, there are, there is a future you’re going to get older. Your kids have college tuition that need to be paid for like there’s. All of these parents are aging. If you ignore the fact that there’s a future, then you’re also going to have a lot of pain as you, as you move into the future.
So Western philosophy focuses a lot on what’s in the future built growth, right? Set goals, crush goals. So if you’re able to actually hold the paradox of yes and, okay. Yes. It’s only about the present moment and it’s also about like an eye towards the future. Yes. It’s all about building a proper future and also being present with what is right now. I forget who said this, like the, there’s a quote that says. The, like the, the characteristic of a first rate intelligence is being able to hold two mutually opposing views at the same exact time and not have your head explode. Well, what I’m asking you to do is to hold both of those. Yes. We have an eye towards the future. Yes. We have like a need for now. That is where purpose exists. If you can find that overlap.
I love it. And I’m. I’m the, I’m the, I’m the single color crayon and the whole box of 32 crayons. So paradox to find paradox for me. Cause I use paradigm all the time. But when you say paradox is at holding, almost like two conflicting beliefs, is that what that is? Like? What does that mean?
Paradox is holding two opposing ideas at the same time and allowing both to be true.
I love it. And I think, I think what you said, I want to dive into this one thing you said that, and I catch this all the time and this was something that I struggled with for years was that. That toxic thinking, right? Like, I’ll do this when I’ll have this, when I’ll go to the gym on Monday or I’ll start eating clean next week, or I’ll take a vacation when I hit seven figures. Right. Like I’m basically, you know, I’m shooting my life away. Right. Like I just, I just don’t realize it yet. and the reason I say that, and I think you might’ve read this there’s one book that I read or listen to about once a month. That absolutely changed the way in which I see this. And it’s called the little book of clarity by Jamie smart. It’s only a three hour listen or like a, if you’re a speed reader, not me, but Jim Kwik taught me how to do that. I’m just not fast at it. Probably read it like two, it took me like eight, but it’s called and I recommend everybody have it.
It’s it’s so simple. It’s mind blowing and it’s all about that. What he calls toxic thinking, right? It’s that robbing yourself of the moment. And then thinking and putting meaning. And definitions on what it might look like when you get there. But I want to dive into this further, cause you said something and I’m going to ask the devil’s advocate question. Like, how are we great Dom? Like. I get to live with purpose every day. Right. But right now, current state of the world or any state of the world, and I don’t want to use those words on this. Sure. I love that. Right. I live with purpose. Right. But I can’t pay my bills. I can’t pay my mortgage. Right. Like things happen for the first time I went from being a millionaire broke. I lost a company. Right. Like I get this. So I believe this is true. Right. But me from my story, struggling with, you know, suicidal ideations, attempted suicide depression. Hospitalizations. I was like, yeah, I’d love to live in purpose.
And like, you can tell me a Lotus analogy all day, but I feel like I was living under eight feet of dog shit and it was just pressing down on top of me. And it’s like, yeah, I, in that moment I said, screamed like to the point where like, Hey, I will never kill myself, but that’s what it feels like. I’m so lost. And I’m so done. Like, can somebody help me, like get to that point? And so where do you see. You know the intersection of that, because it’s fun now on the other side for me to sit here and talk like, Oh, I have my parents everyday. I have it. Right. I got champagne problems. I got champagne problems. Cause I went through this. And so there’s, and I think what was powerful for me is like, it’s like this duality. And I think for me, I mixed it up that like, in order for me to have purpose and or happiness, I also had to feel a certain way or have it look a certain way. Rather than recognizing that there both they’re all lanes on the same highway of my life. And I have to drive on all of them. I might have to stay in one longer than the other, but there’s kind of like this duality where, you know, the purpose comes through the practice. And the intentionality and the discipline of getting there. And then it, in my opinion, it kind of like snowballs, right? You hit a tilting point, but like, how do you navigate that?
You coach so many people on this. And I know there’s people listening. Like I love this and I want this, or they’re in their job and they want to have a, be an entrepreneur or they love what they do, but they don’t have the impact or they have eight things that they want to do to the world, but they don’t have the means right now. And it’s a part of that kind of patience and structure and mixed into purpose. So what are your thoughts on that?
The start with a story that will lead to the answer to your question. So for the last three and a half months, I’ve been doing a relentless number of webinars to clients, small companies like Que kitchen, large companies like Prudential, financial and other investment institutions and a bunch of others.
By the way, Tom, I was just gonna to say, I feel like every single one of my friends that worked in corporate America, every one of them worked at Prudential. Did they, everyone, I have, I have 10 friends on the top of my head right now, all in different areas. I worked at Prudential worked or Prudential work. I’m like, who are these people, man with man.
And it’s a great place to build a career if, if you, if you’re down for that kind of thing. So over, over that period of time, I had a chance to pull about 2000 participants, 2000 people who are on those webinars. And I asked them one simple question. What’s one word that best describes how you’re feeling right now and then just pop it in the chat box and Kelly who’s my chief operating officer scraped all those answers. We put them into a word cloud. Now the word cloud, basically, if you don’t know what a word cloud is, the, the size of the word on the word cloud determines how many or it basically is, is indicate indicative of how many people have said that word. About 80 to 90% of the words were negative emotions.
Anxious was the biggest one, overwhelmed sausage, afraid, tired were the other biggest ones. And then there were like hundreds of other words that buffer does now. What I found from the very first week of quarantine to 12 weeks later, those were the same answers I was getting. There was very little movement in the responses I was getting from different populations. They were responding the same way, which indicated to me, George, that. Many of us are feeling negative feelings. Think about this. Like if 80% of your family members, 80% of your clients, 80% of your staff are feeling and walking around with perpetual negative sentiments. It’s very difficult for behavior and for energy to change when we’re bouncing off of each other from exhaustion, from fatigue, from anxiety, from fear, when we bounce off of each other, we perpetuate.
So what it takes is leaders to actually start to ask. The first question is to get really clear on number one. What am I feeling right now without judgment? I’m giving you a process right now. There’s three steps to this. Number one is what is it that I’m feeling right now without judgment? And if you’re talking about like, I’m depressed right now. Like depression, just naming it and not beating yourself up for it. And I don’t know if that’s possible, cause I have not been, I’ve not, I’ve not stepped into that place of depression. I certainly know what it feels like to be in a funk in a dark place for periods of time. I’ve been through 12 step programs and recovery. So I have that history, but even if it’s just like, okay, I’m anxious. That’s the first step is number one, knowing what it is you’re feeling without judgment. Second thing is what is it that I want to feel? This is why so many people got stuck for 12 or 13 weeks feeling negative sentiments is because they haven’t asked that second question.
What do I want to feel? And when you can identify, well, if I’m anxious, it’s unlikely that I’m going to be lit up from purpose in the next 24 hours. Maybe just getting to neutral is a huge win because I’ve been living with anxiety eat for 12 weeks. If I can move from anxious to neutral, that is a win Abraham Hicks who talks about law of attraction.
Abraham Hicks says when you are in a negative place, emotionally or feelings wise, you’re only looking for the thoughts that will provide you relief. Relief that’s it. And it could be a really small step, like one rung on a ladder going from I’m depressed to purpose. That’s the grand Canyon sized gap you’re set and yourself up for failure, right. Going from maybe sad or uncertain or fearful to, I’ve got momentum. Don’t know what that looks like, but what thought can bring you there? So, first question is, what am I feeling? Second question is what do I want to feel? And the third question is. What tool do I have available to me to move from where I am, to where I want to go.
And that tool could be meditation. That tool could be directing my thoughts with intentionality deliberately directing my thoughts, because my thoughts are wild horses right now. What if I could actually just guide them to something that gives me a sense of relief unicorns, a tool could, right. A tool could be listening to George’s podcasts too. It could be listening to mine, a toolkit. What are the different tools at your disposal to shift where you are to where you want to go? Cause when you use those tools, you are in purpose, you are on purpose. Like just going from like that, that, you know, like where I am to where I want to go. You are actually on purpose. Even if it’s moving from a really low point to just one step higher, that is actually on purpose.
And I want to dive into this. You and I talk about this a lot. You, you, me and Stefano talked about this a lot, right? We, we coach many and we coach people. We coach entrepreneurs and to take this toxic thinking to a deeper level, even understanding the topic of toxic thinking and trying to fix it is also toxic thinking because it’s in the doing of it. Right? And we talk about this all the time. That really, as a human, our biggest win, like the ultimate level of enlightenment is just awareness.
Because when you are aware, you are plug in and you see the field, you see all of the levers, you see the inputs, the outputs and where, and it’s almost like you’re standing at 30,000 feet looking down at you and your life. And you’re like, Oh, that’s how I feel. And then on the other side, like that’s how I want to feel. And there’s this gap in the middle. But when you’re aware, you can figure out what bridge to build. How long does it need to be? What strengthened my driving over a walking over it, right? There’s 22 bridges into Manhattan, right? If you need to make a new one, just for you to walk over, you’re probably not going to end.
You know, construct the Brooklyn bridge, right? Like you can just throw like a rope bridge and walk across. Right. And it kind of depends on the situation. And so to sum this up, like what this sounds like is that this is like a three step process for emotional awareness and liberation, right? Emotional awareness and liberation.
And so step number one is basically pattern interrupting ourselves to a point where we go from being the, the viewer of the feeling of the life of the body and the brain again, to the person directing the moving is that’s kinda how it feels to me. Right. I lived with this. Right. And just so everybody knows, I’m pretty open about this. I’ve been hospitalized, psychiatric wards. I’ve been in and out of them. I’ve been in some dark, dark, dark places. And the biggest struggle for me and anybody in Dom’s been through 12 step programs as well. So we know this and. You know, the biggest challenge for me is that in that moment, in those situations, I logically understood that it wasn’t real, but I didn’t have the capacity or the vision to understand that it wasn’t really going to happen.
Like there was so much dissonance where it’s like, it felt so real. And like I was going to die in that moment or my life was going to be over because of that. I call it the toxic cesspool of shit in my head, knowing that only 80 out of, out of all memory, 80% of it is constructed by our brain. Only 20% is accurate, but yet I believe it to be a hundred percent true.
And so,I love it. So step number one is awareness, right? So the goal here is whenever you’re in a situation that’s, unideal disconnect from purpose, right? Let’s and listen like this, this bull Shipley vive, I shit, unicorn and rainbows every day. And I’m just happy all the time. Like, no, you only have happiness because of the polarity of the other side. Right. We have to understand that ranges of emotion support us as humans. So for me, number one, awareness. So identify with as much accuracy as possible. What I’m feeling in that room without judgment, no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame. Just identifying the feeling. For what it’s like, Oh, that’s interesting. I’m feeling X or I’m feeling Y and I think one caveat here is not saying I am depressed or I am sad, but looking at it, say, I feel depressed. I’m not taking shorts ship of those feelings and I’m summarizing your stuff for me and everybody listening, who listens to me all the time.
So then step number two. And I think Dom, this is something I struggled with when a lot of stuff happens in my life is that I’m so deep in the weeds of what it is that I am feeling with judgment. That I’m complaining or I’m sad that I’m there, but I couldn’t tell you where I want to be. I don’t know, like for me as somebody who struggled in that spot, right. It’s so easy to be like, I want to be happy, but even that thought alone in that state doesn’t sound good because there’s a part of me that was comfortable in depression. There was a part of me that was comfortable in, in there, cause the familiarity and the things like that. And I think that’s step two alon is probably the single handed biggest needle mover for me personally, business life relationships.
So when Lindsey and I are having issues and she was like, Oh, I don’t want this. And like, I’d be like I do. But I would say yes all the time, because I didn’t really know what I wanted. And then she feels set up to feel alone nda happened in the business with my kids, with friends, everything, and like really taking the time to know like, this is where I want to be. Right. Like I did a podcast on this. There’s no only two ways to win in business simplicity and clarity, and the simplicity part you can’t have until, you know, where you want to go and you find the path, the least resistance to get there. And so for me, step two is like, what do I want to feel? And I think what you said is like even, or reduction in this or a neutrality of like, just feel present or safe or.
Anything that will give you a sense of relief, right? Like if you’re in a negative state, anything that will give you a sense of relief is a notch.
And then the third one, what I love is once you know, where you want to be, you just have a gap and the gap might be small, might be big, but then you have to figure out what’s the best bridge to build that gap. And I’m going to ask you about this, cause this is something that works for me. What I’ve also realized is that the echo chamber of my own brain is the most dangerous spot to try to build that bridge. And so for me, And I’ve talked about this a lot and I would love your thoughts on this. So when I think about like, what tools do I have, the first tool I go to is voice and truth. Right? And so using what I’ve come up with and finding somebody in mind, or a post or recording or writing it down, getting it out of my brain and into tactile, right? Like into the world and giving it texture. Is what neutralizes a lot of it for me. And so, when we think about tools, we of course have podcasts, meditations. We have all of that stuff. For me personally, you know, we’re tribal creatures, in my opinion, we love of people. We belong in community people. So for me, when I think about the tools tool that I go to is communication, like getting out and I even speak it out loud, Dom. So do you have any thoughts on that? Like what do you recommend, how people navigate that or what they do to kind of free that up?
A hundred percent. And especially with my work with men, I’m going to give a men’s specific answer. Men tend to go at these types of things on our own, right. We’re rugged individualists. So we want to figure everything out on our own because we’ve been taught. If you don’t, then there’s something weak about you. Or even if like, even if we don’t, I subscribed to that weakness thing, we have just been unpracticed at learning how to articulate, like what, like act to actually feel a feeling to name that a feeling most of the men that I work with don’t know what they’re feeling.
They’re blocked. They’re stuck, but they can’t articulate it or they can’t articulate. Like what’s the, like the nuances of it, which makes it really difficult to actually then go and seek it help, like, or to ask for support. So when it comes to men, I run a mastermind, the great man mastermind, which is built off the back of the great man within podcasts. We’ve got 22 guys who were working together for the next year on like discovering and living the best version of themselves. And that’s done with the intention of guys coming together and recognizing that personal development on your own, it’s slow, it’s shallow, it’s incomplete. And so if you do not know, I have a group of other men in your life that you can go to, to open up and say, here’s what I’m struggling with. Here’s what’s wrong. And, and, and then when you do open up to them, you’re not. Machine gunfire, spattered with a bunch of advice, right? Like you’re not like your guys in your life, like guys are really good at giving advice. Like what you don’t want is a bunch of guys who give advice on things that they don’t know, nothing about.
You want to talk to the guys who actually seek to listen, seek to hear you seek to understand. And then provide support and guidance and maybe give advice if solicited, right. You and I have had conversations around this.
I’m a master of giving advice. Cause I’m the master of not wanting to do the work. Cause it gets uncomfortable with it. Then I have people like, you’d be like, Hey, shut up. I’m like, sorry bro. Yeah. And we all need to shut up sometimes. Totally. And I think finish this thought and then I have an opening for you, a deeper level of his thought.
I would just say that, you know, like one of the things that breaks my heart the most is when I talk to men, there was a guy who was considering coming into my mastermind, who eventually did where he was like, you know, Dominic, I have a wife, I love who loves me. I have kids who I love more than anything in this world, a job that really respects and values me. And he’s awesome at his job. But when I go to bed at night, like when, when everyone goes to bed at night and I’m the last one awake, I feel like I’m alone in this world. And there are many men who I’ve had share an iteration of that story with me, because there are so many. There are so many men who. Feel alone because there are these portals inside of them that they have not yet discovered that they don’t even know about. Therefore, how could anyone else have access to them when you don’t have access to that. Oftentimes men need to be in the company of other men who are doing the inner work, who have the ability. To feel a feeling, to name a feeling, to sit with that feeling and to express that feeling with others.
So one of my biggest tools, like one of the biggest things that I evangelize on the podcast and anywhere I go is guys find your tribe. And oftentimes it’s going to take you who are listening right now to take your relationships with the men in your life. A little bit deeper asking deeper questions, being vulnerable and opening up first. I can tell you that there are so many men. Who are craving and waiting for someone to show up and be the first mover. And as soon as you were the one to do that, you’ll be shocked at how many other guys are ready and willing and able to go there with you and women and women as well.
I think this is applicable across the board and so when you, when you say a lot of that stuff, and all of this resonate to me, it’s all, it’s all true. the one thing I think it took me probably. I don’t know, you know, this I’ve probably invested over seven figures, just in personal development, coaching therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, prolonged exposure. MTMA assisted psychotherapy. I’ll also like you, you name it. I mean, like. I’ve played. I play hard in the paint, right? Like I go there like, Hey George, you like football? My like, okay, cool. Let’s play on the Patriots for the super bowl. I got it. And then I ended up broken about her, but I come out a better person on the other side but I think Dom, I think there’s a part of this that when I think about leadership, when I think about. You know, let’s call it personal development. I call it just growth and awareness. Right? When we think about all of this, there’s another trap for me besides the purpose trap or the big, and by the way, when we say big bhag, it’s a term that’s been thrown out, it’s it stands for big, hairy, audacious goal.
And there’s a ton of stuff out there. There’s three hag and all this other stuff. But yeah when I think about it, Tom, I think. Underneath that there was another trap that I fell into. What I didn’t realize was there, which was the finish line trap or the finality trap, right. When these emotions come up or when I get, you know, emotionally liberated or when I step into a new rung of leadership or I open up communication, my trap was, Oh, I made it. It’s just going to work by self or, Oh, I healed it. It’s going to stay gone forever. Or I have this new, new level of communication with my team. It’s going to maintain itself like, Oh, I planted the flower. It’s going to now water itself on its own. Right. And it took me a long time and a whole lot of self acceptance and healing to get to the point where I’m like, I would have the moments like, Oh, I feel this way. I feel sad and I’m not judging myself. Right. And so then I liberate it, but then the moment sadness comes up again, I make myself bad and wrong cause, Oh, I feel sad again. I thought I went through this already. I thought this was there. So can you talk about, you know, from your perspective, like we’re talking about all of this and just so everybody understand, these are the secrets to success. These are the secrets to leadership. These are the secrets, the “secrets that everybody you idolize that we do behind the scenes and we coach them on to get here”. Right. And you see the public persona. These are the secrets, but I think Dom for me, I would love your thoughts on. You know, you live this by example, right.
And there’s days that we all fall out of practice. Right. And you know, just like your emotional liberation process, it’s like, Oh, it’s awareness. Like, Oh, what was I supposed to be doing today? Oh, this, Oh, I didn’t do it. Not judging myself. Where do I want to be back in practice? Well, what tool gets me back on there?
I think there’s also this in, in our world, in the culture that we live in entrepreneurial, right. Business owners, you know, self-starters leaders that once we hit that finish line, or once we slay the dragon, per say, if you’re a Joseph Campbell kind of guy that the game’s over and there’s that last step where you have to go back, teach the village, everything that you learned and then the next dragon comes. So how do you navigate that process? Do you have any advice for people of like, you know, like for me, and I’ll just speak for experience for 20 seconds, is it okay almost became harder to grow because my, I was just exhausted. I was like, come on, like, can I just get a break? Like, can this just work? And I had this really unhealthy relationship because I was like, I beat depression on how it’s going to come back. Like, it’s almost easier to stay yeah. Than it is to what it felt like is like it was in the Mexican crab pot. Right. If you ever use that analogy. Yeah. You put Mexican crabs in a whole one. We’ll try to climb out, but the other ones always grab it back down and they never let one get out. And that’s kind of what it felt like. And so, I don’t know if you can talk on that at all.
That last piece was super important to hear cause what I’m hearing from you is when you were growing, when you were battling the demons, when you were slaying the dragons, it required every last ounce of your effort and then some. And then when you finally came up for air. You just wanted it. You just want a time to breathe. You just want a time to recover and, and your, your, your mechanism for that was, Oh, I’m done. You saw it as a finite game. And because, because like everything that it took to get there, and the reality is is that the journey is never complete.
And there’s a beautiful part of that, because that means we’re always getting better. That means that there’s always parts of ourself that we can fall deeply more deeply in love with there’s ways to surprise ourself. And the other trap that we fall into when we’re playing the infinite game is that the speed of go is the only speed at the speed of go, right.
AndGeorge, like, you know that, that’s something that I know that like, you, you feel many times, right? We’re just like, I’ve got to go. I’ve gotta go. And I’ve seen this for myself too. Cause I’m I get maniacal, especially when it comes to like personal development, you see this with people in business, especially entrepreneurs, the only speed is go.
And then, you know you do this big thing. Maybe it’s. You raised money or maybe you bought a company, maybe you just hired 50 new employees, and then like you, you kind of get over that hump of that massive expenditure and yeah. Instead of giving yourself a period to like integrate that to give self care to not need to do anything more, to not achieve, to not set that next step, big, hairy, audacious goal to actually just like, be like, no, my work is never done and, and I’m going to take this period of time where I know that if I fill my tank, if I fall back in love with the business, which maybe I fell a little bit out of love as I was grinding myself to enough, maybe I can give myself a chance to refill my tank and then I get to choose. What’s the next dragon I choose. I plan on slaying. That’s a different kind of game than feeling like you always have to be on go or. Deluding yourself that like, I can go on autopilot and I never have to bring practice or meticulousness into my daily life to sustain the gains that I’ve built.
So, so true. And I think something just came to me when you were saying that. and I was thinking about, and by the way, I like to tie into the paradox, could closing of that Zeigarnik effect all the way down here and tying it back. Good job. I love it. And now I know what paradox means, so it’s going to be my word of the week. Yeah. Well, you know, me very well. You’re like, okay, we can have, yeah, right now for the next seven days, how many times George has paradox, we’re probably going to tap up in like the three, 400 range and that I’ll wear it out.
You know, just like I did a few other words, but when I think about a Dom. I think also from a societal perspective, and I would love your thoughts on this because you live in this world from a societal perspective, we live in a world where like depression has made wrong. Feeling has made wrong. Sadness has made wrong, like, you know, man up toxic masculinity. You can’t, you can like the, the bullshit that’s projected on men and women from a societal standpoint. And so when we think about it, The way in which the world, in my opinion, sees things like depression or sadness or fear or insecurity as is like, it’s this thing you have. Which means it’s also this thing that you fix. And it goes away. And so I don’t, I personally don’t find outside of entrepreneurship culture where it’s like, no, it’s okay to be sad. And it’s okay to be scared. Let’s go through it together. Most of the world is like, Oh, go get treatment, go get help. And then come back when you’re complete or come back when you are “whole”. And it’s like, the field that we play on is basically destined to keep ourselves stuck in that fucking Mexican crab pot. And then it’s like the moment you try to climb out of it, they either want to pull you out of it or they, they want to pull you into it or they want to throw you out of it and outcast you because you’re growing or you’re doing the work.
And so for me now, I know, but during a time, when you say, find your tribe, what I’ve also found is a lot times, if you’re in a tribe and you start growing, you sometimes have to make some hard decisions because that tribe wants you to stay where you are, because that stagnation keeps them comfortable and where they are and then our growth and things like that, you know, we’ll pull them out.
And so, you know, one of the things that I was thinking about when you talked about, you know, finding your tribe, and in the beginning of this episode, we were talking about like, Hey, like, you know, you word clouded it, right. Anxious anxiety. When you’re surrounded by that, we absorb that energy. We’re all vibrating here. And so it’s really important. To keep our containers, right? Like you are the sum of five people. You surround yourself with their energies, their intention, their things like that. And so there’s a part of me too, that I think everybody should be prepared for that and I mean this in the best way possible. Well, that leadership is lonely for all the right reasons because in that leadership, like we, we lead ourselves, right. This is what we talk about. We lead ourselves. But then in that, in those times of like, Hey, I’m emotionally liberated with this three step process. The people that are in your life that support you pretty much find themselves and self identify pretty quickly.
And the ones that are like, Oh, I don’t want to hear it. No, don’t tell me like, Oh, tell me when it’s done. Right. They also identify themselves. And so like, there’s no finish line for this. There’s also just like a very wise shaman told me relationships either happened for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
And I think that there’s also this, this strength and understanding that like, As you grow and you lead, you’re also going to attract and magnetize new people polarity wise, and then you’re also going to repel some people there. And there’s going to be times there’s going to, and I’m just going to say, there’s going to be times where you’re doing the best work that you’ve done. You’re the happiest you’ve bet. And you’re beating depression and you’re going to feel more alone than you’ve ever felt. And that’s in my opinion, upleveling and calling in a new level of team or magnetism or things like that. But it’s also something I think should be talked about. Because it was one of those things that kind of surprised me.
I started doing work and I lived this life and I had this multi seven figure business. And all these people that I thought were my friends. And then, you know, six to 12 months of some of the hardest work of my life, saving my marriage, saving my life. And I don’t speak to any of them anymore. They wanted nothing to do with me. And, and it was like that final nail for me. I’m like, is this really what I want? Like, do I have the intestinal fortitude to go through this? Because I’d say 99% of me just wanted to fall back and call my “friends”. Like, just tell me it’s going to be okay. Like, okay, I’ll go back to talking shit about people at dinner. Like I’ll listen to it and not say, but obviously I didn’t want to get there, but I think it’s important. So can you talk about the power of kind of that tribe, but also the containers and self identification of you that’s required? So you kind of know. What your tribe should be when to lean into a tribe and when to lean into yourself, you know, like, and the way I look at it is like, when do you lean into your group? And when do you lean into the mirror? And that’s kind of how it goes into buckets.
I think one of the reasons why leaders don’t Excel as fast as they want to is because they’re afraid of saying goodbye. To the people in their lives that, that don’t support their growth or don’t know how to, to, to nurture some of the relationships to bring them along. There’s, there’s a bit of both. And so I see people getting stuck because they’re afraid of that lonely feeling that you described because I’ve, I’ve been there. There’s, there’s been times in my life where I radically changed who I was and. And I found myself having to rebuild completely my network.
It can be, yeah, scary place to be. I’ve learned over the course of time, how to not have to go through that level of loneliness, how to bring people along. I want to share with you that there are three types of people in your life, and I’ve written about this. I’ve done podcasts about this. I wrote about it in my, my next book. That’s coming out on purpose leadership. There’s three types of people in your life. The first type of person in your life relates to the historical version of you. The past version of you like this, this is the person, these are the people in your life that see you as the version of maybe when you were a kid, you know, maybe who you were five years ago, four years ago, one year ago, depending on how fast maybe they have that nickname for you, that you’ve outgrown, but they’re the ones who call you that, like, these are the ones who are stuck, who don’t want you to change because it means leaving them behind, or maybe it’s an indictment on their inability to grow. I have compassion for this group of people, even though sometimes like their methods aren’t necessarily the most , they’re not the best, but these are the people who are threatened by your growth and try and hold you back.
The second one group of people are the people who see the here and now version of you. These are the people who can see like, okay, George looks this way today. This is what his business looks like right now. This is his weight. This is his physical appearance. And maybe they can see crummy, mental shades of your growth. But for the most part, they see your marital status. They see your kids are like whatever. They could only see a few inches or feet out in front of where you are today. So they speak to that version of you. And I find that many people who are feeling stuck in their lives, 95% of the people they surround themselves with. Are the people who only see the here and now version of you. And they’re kind of keeping you in this place.
The third type of person, your life speaks to the highest version of you, right? This is the person who can see beyond even what you’re capable of. Right? They’re the person who, when you mail in a B plus effort and try and pass it off as an A, like they can call you on your bullshit. Cause they know, right. They’re the ones. Who aren’t stuck in the weeds, the way that you are, and don’t have the excuses or won’t allow the excuses that may be you have, because they see greatness in you be above and beyond where you are presently. Now, what I found is that so many people don’t have someone truly that sees the greatest, highest diversion of them in their live right now.
Some of us have to pay for that, whether it’s with coaching, some of us. Get lucky. And that person, you know, we attract that person into our lives without our own like conscious doing or seeking that person just ends up in their lives. But most of us need to actually put that into our conscious awareness. I want to surround myself with it. People who only speak to the high. So that’s what you’ve been doing, George. Right? Like when you pulled me into your life, you made a very concerted effort to bring me into your life. Cause you saw that I could speak to that version of you Stephanos and you’re like, like you have consciously built that tribe. To say, no, I need that. I need that structure. I need someone to, and it’s going to be painful sometimes. There’s shit that I do that like causes you pain and then you go away, you come back and then we deal with that. You was same thing with Stefanos, same thing and vice versa.
I was going to say, and by the way, if Dom and I recorded some of our calls, I’m like, I hate you, you mother. And I love you, which is why I’m telling you this. I think one thing before you finish to that third person, when you said. When you hand in a B plus effort and mask it as an A, and they call you on it. For me, those are also the people. When I hand in an, a effort and I graded a C plug me into what I created.
That’s great. That’s actually, that’s awesome, man. Thank you for that. Cause I’ll be adding that to my, like when I speak about that, that’s so true. Cause there are times where like you definitely diminish. I definitely diminish. And then people like, I need those people in my life to be like, dude, do you realize the impact?
Oh, I’ve kicked her back for everybody listening. I’ve I’ve wanted to virtually, or I virtually have kicked Dom in the shins. Quite a few times. And I was like, and I even met Dom. I was like, do you see how great you are? And he’s like, no, I’m like, no, no, no, bro. Like I see the next fucking 25 years of your life, like laid out in front of me. And I just want to be a part of it. Like I just want to know ounce of DNA in that game, in that world that you live in. So no, man, I, I love that. So yeah. Continue on those three types of people.
I would, I would just close it with the highest version of yourself. People get lazy with it, finding that person. They they’re like, Oh, well, that’s my wife, that’s my husband. That’s my, you know, like, just look for the closest person. I would encourage you to go out and look for who’s done what you want to do in your life. Whether it’s like achieve business success with a sense of fulfillment or, you know, they, they seem to have overcome some of these nasty, you know, Behaviors or diseases that have like, you know, have, have crippled or curtailed your behavior.
And actually George, when you talked about the conversation of labeling depression or sadness, as these things have a go away, go fix that. Like when I, when I see depression, when I see anxiety. I look at super powers in the making totally right. Like if you can look at them that way, if, if you can call in the support, whether it’s yourself support or also, you know, guides, experts, healers in your life that can help you to look at the depths that you’ve been to, because you’re actually fucking going to really dark places, powerful places.
And when you bring yourself back from those places, You have lessons, you have stories you’re gone. You’ve gone on Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey is a belly of the beast. It’s called wisdom wisdom coming back and reconstituting it. Now in the, in the corporate world. One of the things that I have seen as a theme over 15 years is blocking emotions, blocking feelings.
Don’t get too high. Don’t get too low. We don’t saver or celebrate successes because if you do that, then you’re also going to like stew in the defeats. And that’s where people’s lights start to go out. Like they’re they dim their power. I could see people who are at the highest levels of organizations at the ages of 45, 50, 55, who have no more spark left. And they don’t know why it’s because you’ve shrunk your field of emotions down to a few inches on either side of the 50 yard line. So anyone who can cultivate a working relationship with your emotions, and even when you get into those depths of despair, to be able to bring yourself back. To know how to do so.
And to, and to actually like, like find joy, like a natural is not the right word, but to find purpose in the process, I’m here. Because when I come back, I’ve got a fucking message for myself and for the world. Yep. That’s where the game really good start to play it. And I would say a crucial component of finding those people who speak to the highest version of you. They are masters of emotions, they’re masters of feelings. They’ve gone through the depths. Be very wary of anyone who hasn’t into the depths of despair and come back with it a story. Anyone who hasn’t done that be very wary because I doubt highly. That they have the ability to speak to the highest version of them.
Totally. And one thing you said, cause you know, we got a start wrapping us back time. We’d go for five. I’ll just keep going forever. But you have a tighter schedule than I have. Yeah. When you said something a couple minutes, it really resonated me. Cause there’s a lot of business lessons roped into it and we were talking about relationships.
Right. And when they serve their purpose or when you have to move on, we’re talking about not being romantic about what they look like. Right. And by the way, when we talk about leading yourself first, this is probably the biggest mistake I see entrepreneurs make in business as they hold on to things that no longer serve them, because they’re romantic that they built them or what it looked like rather than being willing to make those hard decisions, to let them go to, you know, create space. And, you know, there’s a really good example in the book of the infinite game. We’ve mentioned that word a few times by Simon Sinek and he talks about and I’m not going to tell you the whole story, but you should listen to the story because on September 10th of 2001, the Swiss army knife was Victorian Xs. Primary source of revenue, 81% of their entire revenue. And on September 12th, it was zero because nobody could fly with them on airplanes anymore. Wow. And so the story is powerful and I couldn’t do it justice in four or five minutes, but they basically ended set up 25 exiting the company out of the back end of that because they had the time and the capacity to look at it from an awareness perspective.
And now they’re number one tells that the Swiss army knife only accounts for, I think 13% of their revenue now watches, clothing, everything you can ever. It came out of that. So really it’s a big Testament to not being romantic about the modality, but being romantic. How about the vision, keep the vision and realize that there’s thousands of ways and tools to get there.
And so I think that there’s a lot there. And this whole episode we’ve talked about, you know, leading ourself first. Right? And, and when we think about this, when I think about the lessons for entrepreneurship is that there is no success in business. There is no clarity, there’s no strategy and tactic that works without these foundational principles instilled inside of us as people and as leaders, which then.
Leads by example, to instill them into our team, which then is what creates all of these results. And as Wu was, that sounds. You name me one successful business owner. I will interview them and tell you the same exact story and I will pull it out of them the same way, and they will tell you the same exact thing.
And so Dom I have a question. Yeah. Before we get into sharing the secrets to leading yourself first from you. So two more questions. One’s going to come after that. But now ,you know, we talk a lot about relationships, right? I talk about relationship beating out rhythms. I throw it out there all the time.
You live in a world that’s predicated on relationships. And I can’t think of one area in this world where relationships don’t matter, but I want to know. From you, where is the power of relationships other than individual with a group of staff or anything had the biggest kind of dramatic, positive effect on your life or business that you wouldn’t have had without that relationship, a big win, a, you know, a big deal,an introduction, like I just kinda want to know from you, when you think about it, what’s been that like biggest needle mover that you’re like, you know what, for the rest of my life, I would work on relationships all day every day, just to have a chance. You know about happening again?
The very first time I walked into a 12 step room, I, this was back in 2013. I entered sex addicts. Anonymous, spent four years recovering, and it was a room full of men. It was the scariest and most surreal experience in my life. Like here I am like, you know, I’ve seen it played out in movies. Like my name is Dominic and I’m an addict. Right. And then I did that now. What I didn’t realize George was that this was the first time I was ever in a group of men who weren’t competing with me. They were actually there to like support me, to listen to my stories, to relate to me versus find differences with me.
I grew up playing professional team sports and I, and when I went to financial services, I was on a sales team. Everything that I known, I went to fraternity in college, everything I’d known about my relationships with men was. You walk into a room and you immediately size up. Who’s the alpha dog. Who’s the threat. Who’s the beta. Who’s this who’s that who’s Ababa. Where’s my standing. What’s the culture, you know, and in this group, it took me months to recognize that I was the only one competing in a group of people. And when I finally dropped that competition and I actually allowed these men to hear my stories and me to hear theirs. I felt supported in a way that I’d never and safe in a way that I didn’t even know how to ask for as a man ever wasn’t even because I never felt it before. I had no clue that was back in 2013, that be came the very basis for all of the work that I do in supporting men now. All of it. Those guys gave me the intro, the entree to recognizing how powerful it is to be in a groups of men where I don’t have to have my guard up.
And so now I’ve been a part of a men’s group for the past two years. We meet every Monday night, I run a mastermind I’ve guys like you and my life, I have men’s coach. I mean like the last seven years have, have been extraordinary and my life’s mission, or at least my mission for the next 10 years is to help 10 million men wake up and get on the path of doing inner work. All of that. Started with entering in that role, a new kind of relationship with other men that I never do as possible.
God, I love that. That is such a perfect, dominant answer and exactly what I wanted to hear. And I was not hoping for like dinner was so and so it’s this, I love that. Thank you for setting the process. It’s my friend that made my heart. Now let’s give everybody some closure on that Zeigarnik effect that we opened to be getting this episode on. The thing that you’re going to give everybody. So what is the one thing we talked about leading yourself first? What is a process? What are the steps that people can take at the end of this episode? Right now, listen to it, put it into practice in their life to help them on the path that you help with.
One of them I already kind of went through and I want to give you a extra distinction on it. So one of the biggest can openers for finding purpose regularly is to surround yourself with more people who see the highest version of you, right?
So those three layers of people, people who see the vent version of you, the here and now version of you and in the highest version of you now, an exercise to take. And to make this even more distinct for you is to look at the five people you do spend the most time in your life with. Right. And then put them in those categories, right?
Like, like assign them a category, the five people you spend the most time with in your life, do they belong in the category of, they speak to the highest version of me. The here and now version of me or they’re, they’re holding me back. They’re speaking to the then version of me. And when you start to recognize like, okay, these are the people I spend the most amount of time in my life with, and you can categorize them.
You will start to see that the more people you have in the top category, the highest version of your category. The more often you will feel connected to your purpose. Cause they’re the ones who are constantly calling out the best version of you constantly not allowing you to drift. They’re not allowing you to mail in the B plus effort and pass it off as an A or to ignore your A effort and think that it’s a C right?
So that’s a number one connect with the highest rate, like find those people in your life. And the other thing I wanted to share with you, like a really practical way is to get in tune with this concept of. What gives you your greatest energy? These are the things that when you’re doing them, think about it from a flow state perspective, characteristics of flow are, you feel a sense of selflessness? Like your inner critic goes off offline during these things. There’s a timeline time, distortion, timelessness to it, right? Like one minute can feel like an hour, an hour can feel like one minute. Totally. There’s an effortlessness to it. You’re not grinding. Like there’s a certain, you have an effort, but it’s, it’s, it’s not like exhausting to you. There’s a richness to it. There’s a sense of when it’s done, I got better. Like you can feel selfless, timeless and effortlessness by playing a video game or watching a great dramatic television show. But this characteristic of richness feeling better feeling opened up is a key characteristic.
So what I would love for you to do is right, an inventory of all the things that you do over the course of your day, just to everything that you’re responsible for. It is a great one. Strategic coach does this with, with entrepreneurs. It’s called the activity inventory. Write down all the things from. I don’t know your, you know, your, your mail, your emails, compliance regulations to the things that make you money to the things that light you up. And when you have a chance to list 50 to a hundred of these things, it may take you a couple of days of like writing to actually just get that full list down, identify the ones that make you feel a sense of greatest energy, selfless, timeless, effortlessness, richness.
And then assign how much time on a daily basis are you actually dedicating to that. Is only 5% of your day spent in your greatest energy is only 15% of your day spending your greatest energy. What might happen if you played the long game of years from now, I’m going to be a hundred percent of my time, my greatest energy.
I only want to be living a life. I only want to be doing things. I’m going to build support around me to do all the other things where I can spend a hundred percent of my life doing the things that gave me my greatest energy. Beyonce does that, Michael Jordan does that, like all the people, you know, in love spend their lives from their greatest energy.
And if you can just start from right now, understanding the things that give you that. Assigning how much time on a regular understanding how much time you spend on that on your daily basis now, and then making a concerted effort to notch that up from 5% to 10% and then beyond that’s how you will get a deeper sense of purpose in every one of your days.
Oh, I love that. Oh, there’s that could be unpacked for an entire episode, but I, I, I’m gonna use the words that I know that I know work. I challenge you to prove to me that you can do this so you can have a breakthrough. Cause these are the secrets to success to transform your life. And I’ll do an entire episode on those five words. Am I use that, but no, Dom that’s gold. That’s, that’s absolute gold you know, and there’s a lot, and just so everybody knows if you’re listening to this from like an entrepreneurial lens, right. Designer for your life, I would say, do the energy audit both in your life and in your business because there’s both right.
And I have two book recommendations for you to help you figure out where to spend that time. Apparently I do. I’ve read a lot in the last couple of years. This is mind blowing to me. I went from a guy who never read a book in his life until three years ago and I’m making like five recommendations. So from the business side, right from, an analyst clinical side of like how you should design your day, where you should spend your time.
Mike McCollough it’s wrote a book called clockwork, which includes in your time in these activities where you should spend percentage then. Yeah. My buddy Bowie Easton wrote a book called there’s no plan B for your A game, which is the non-analytical version. That’s the promoter supporter get tied in.
I’m going to prove the whole world wrong, like Bo five foot 11, 180 pounds only kid from his high school ever drafted into the NFL. And. The same year, he had three other kids drafted with him because of what he did to that team and how he led that team. And then went on to have a successful Broadway production where Al Pachino was coaching him on act it’s mind blowing.
So those two help put that in. So Dom. Thank you for being here. I do have one more question, but before I get to the question, the end, the episode, once again, Name of the podcast, best place to find you. you know, what do you want people to do? Just be direct, be like, come subscribe or listen to this. What’s your, besides the menstrual cycle of women, what is your favorite episode? What is your favorite episode of the show kind of for you that fits into this, this kind of show that we did? Yeah, the whole thing, but get one. Hey.
Yeah, come, come subscribed to the great man within podcast, men and women. God, you know, one of my favorite episodes was when I unpacked the making of a sex addict, it was my podcast partner Brian Stacey interviewed me. It was a two part series. and even men who. I have never had a compulsive sex life, but maybe watch too much porn or maybe have cheated on their partner or maybe have lost their luster in their sex life have found, been like, dude, your story woke me up. Even just like having a public and a private life and how, how, how big of my life, how much, how many big parts of my life? I’ve just like I hide from the world that was one of the first five or six episodes that we did. And it was one of my favorite because it was the only time on my podcast that I got interviewed.
I love it. I love it. No, go check it out. And I think too, one thing, lens of that, listen to it, but it doesn’t matter what the addiction, I mean, people are addicted to social media. They’re addicted to distraction. We’re addicted to pain. Like the principals all the same.I bet. Oh, achievement been through multiple 12 step programs as well. You know, through well, and it’s super helpful. So last question to wrap the episode, Dom, tell everybody one thing that nobody knows about you or has never been publicly discussed with the world.
I feel like that requires some real thought because my podcast, I bare my soul. One thing that nobody knows about me. I love this one. Hopefully you have an editor that can take out some of his blank time.
Oh no, this is, this is gold time. This is that thinking time.
Like I’m, I’m on, like, it’s been, so, I’ve spent so much of my time revealing all the parts of me,that I never wanted to on my podcast. So what, so what is out there?
So what’s a part of you that you love that you don’t talk about enough.
Now you got, now you got me on two of those. Okay. U I am, I am now deep on this path and this, this is, this is a bit raw. I’m deep on this path of spirituality. After being 20 years, spiritually homeless, casting away, religion, spirituality, any higher purpose thinking it was magic. Looking down upon people who, who had faith. And, and now I’m working with like tarot cards. I’m I’m speaking to spirits. I’m, I’m, I’m listening. Actually. I’m not speaking to spirits. I’m like listening. I’m allowing the universe to guide me. I’m stopping doing so much and I’m, I’m waiting for. Inspiration, like in a feeling to say, this is my next right action.
The last two or three weeks of my life, I have been in less action than I ever have been in my life. Cause I’m waiting for the very thing that is going to give me my direction on what to do next. I’ve never been in this place where I had the patients to stay in this place. But there’s this deep sense of knowing that like when. When it’s, when it’s revealed to me, it will be unmistakable. And for the last week, every fucking tarrot card I’ve pulled has been like patients had like, it’s either been the patient’s terat card or the terracotta, everything that you want is about to happen, just wait for it. And so, I have not shared that with anyone because I feared judgment.
I fear because I speak to my audience. I speak to are people who are so mainstream that I may become unrelatable to them. And I may lose my ability to guide them if they hear that from me. So I’m very, I’m very cognizant of who and where I share that, but I appreciate you. Yeah, that that has been something I’ve not spoken about at all on my show.
Well, so thank you for giving us that gift because I love you to pieces. And, I just call that. Woo. And I got more mobile every day and shame. That’s the part, that’s the part of you and I love so thank you for sharing it. Thank you for being here. Absolute honor. I learned a lot. We’ll have to do this again, and we’ll unpack a longer one with a bigger calendar invite. I’m super stoked, super honored. any closing words for anybody before we wrap up?
Listen to this man, George, you know, he, the reason why that I’ve signed up to do work with him and then to have him in my life as a friend, as a mentor and, you know, reverse is because like he’s coming from the deepest place of care, like his heart and his is only matched by his brilliance of, of mind and how he sees the world is no one else sees the world the way that George does. And he’s the real deal when it comes to the place that he comes from. So, listen to this man.
I ride that tight rope between insanity and my own self to stop brilliance. And I just figured I didn’t take medication. It makes me smart right now. So remember everybody, that relationships will always be the algorithms we’ll see in the next show.