Experienced it yourself. That’s where your greatest power lies.
Responsibility, Role, Ownership
The biggest mistake that I’ve made in business and in life sometimes you’re I don’t want to say it the biggest, I shouldn’t say the big one, it’s a massive one is not assuming responsibility for my role in businesses that would just Succeed than fail, succeed and fallible that burn build mentality right on month, I’d be making a shit ton of money and the next three months would be nothing.
I was the common denominator in that. And I would just instead of remaining with the business, being persistent and evaluating it from a place of what can I do differently? How can I show up differently? It, my attitude is, do I need a skill up? Do I need educate myself more? Do I need to surround myself with different people? Do I need to raise money or created a flux of income in a different way?
Instead of asking those questions, I would just blame my business partners or blame the market timing or blame someone else then I would just move on to something else.
And that’s what I was doing in my personal life. I was not taking responsibility for how I was showing up. I wasn’t taking responsibility or ownership for the actions that I was taking, the thoughts that I was having, the belief systems that supported all that, the unattended to history and trauma and unresolved wounding that I had. And it was just easy to blame my partner or easier to blame someone else as well.
When we think about business, we think about entrepreneurship, we don’t separate into compartments. Simple things always is the best. Sometimes we live in a world where we want razzle dazzle, or we want short gratification and we to be dressed up.
Sometimes the boring, simple things are often the best way to be able to tackle a pain point that we’re experiencing. What we created in our world in terms of practices and habits, they become us. And so having a practice of daily introspection and respect and reflection, but simply at the end of every day ,or at the beginning of every day, And did you do this two times in our days where we generally are a little more quiet and in that silence, we can hear a lot more. Before you go to sleep and you have a practice of shutting down your devices and I don’t always hit the mark on this, sometimes I’m up late working and I’m on computer and on my phone and dealing with clients and I’d have to do that to me just having loose boundaries.
But now here’s me taking ownership of something that I want to step into a little deeper.
That I’m able to do because I have a diligent practice where I self reflect. And so, because I self-reflect and I practice it and I get more proficient and better at it.
I’m asking questions cause quality questions lead to a quality life. How did I behave today in my interactions with them? I compassionate to the spec to the place that I pointed I wanted to be. Did I hurt people today? Did I honor myself and my needs today? Whatever the questions are, they’re important to you. And I reflect on that and that gives me an opportunity to step into ownership, but leads to greater levels of responsibility. It leads to mitigating risk or being. To being able to be effectively responsive to something as opposed to emotionally charged and reactive, when something goes wrong. In other words we had an idea of how it needs to be, and it doesn’t go that way. And then all of a sudden we get so upset and we don’t know what to do with ourselves but when we’re more grounded in who we are, we have an ability to say, okay, what’s my role here? Cause that’s essentially what we have control of.
We didn’t have control of what other people do. We can influence other people, but we don’t have control of them. So we can step into a place of, this is what I’m actually able to control, which is me and how I react bond. And I practice that on a daily basis.
Thinking about these things, thinking about the way I’ve been feeling into any emotions that are attached to that and anything that arises to the service of my awareness and then dealing with that in real time with them. Different tools, whether it’s breath, practice, again, simple stuff, whether it’s a journaling practice and share that with someone.
And having that different perspective it trains the mind, the body and. The entire being to be more reflective and to, to be able to step into ownership, to respond quickly and effectively to when life doesn’t often go the way we want it to go. Now, the parallel to that is when we look at what it’s happening in the world, I’m not going to make this a geopolitical or socioeconomic conversation.
But when we look at what’s happening in the world, I think one thing we can all agree on is a lot of confusion, irrespective of what you think is happening or not. There’s a fair amount of confusion and unknown, and that sends people into tailspins because people are grounded in their own sense of self.
So if there is the times where I’m being reactive often for me, all I need is a very short, emotional outburst of something.And then calibrate it, reflect on,recognize that that’s not really the path I want to take.And then move into behaving in different. And honestly what can we do different next time? And so when I meet that part of me that is ugly or not attractive when I’ll meet that part of myself with compassion and deepest sense of empathy and non-judgment. I’m able to to move through it in a quicker way, but knowing in a quicker way, in a way that doesn’t have me repeating the same old patterns, again, something that’s also very useful that most people don’t take advantage of is having a partner in their lawful, someone intimate that they share with, because that can be a miracle that can be a perspective.
The thing is our ego gets in the way and we become very quickly offended or we become personally a little boy, a little girl comes out at wounded aspects of self come out. That exiled part of us, that the protector within us, one of our protectors is trying to literally just protect and we become very defensive hopper, defensive almost always.
Everyone as influencer
Everyone to me is an influencer. Everyone’s a taught to be leader, every single one was with have a social media platform or a website or not, you’re a thought leader. And you’re an influencer you’re influencing either your own path at the very least, or you’re influencing your environment, whether that’s their animals, trees, plants, people, whatever, whether you’re the president of a large company or whether you have a small family and you live in a country town with a population of 500 people you’re influencing what’s around you.
And so often we come into relationship and intimate relationships to help us heal those parts of us that we haven’t really healed. Growing up and that have been quote unquote, emotionally injured.
And so with that said, the example I was going to give is, do something on social media and we get a negative comment or a comment it’s not even negative. Comment that someone disagrees with us. And in the past for me, I would take it personally. I would get upset. They’re attacking me that aren’t knowing me. They wouldn’t talk like that. If they were in front of me, like I get into this. Yeah. Fucking keyboard warrior. I’d love to see if they were in front of me, what they’d say. Whatever I’m going into my stories. And the reality is I’m just insecure and I don’t back myself. I’m not trusting myself. I’m not at a stage of deepened self-worth where I can say, Hey, I respect your opinion. And A blessing that somebody trusts you enough would their deepest fears and insecurities to project them in front of you to help them break through them.
I think it’s so easy to hide in entrepreneurship. It’s so easy to hide in business. But I noticed that that levels of depth really. Challenge the levels of depth that I have in that self security. But we forget when it’s opposing to us or it’s challenging us, or we’re holding a fragile belief that it challenges to its core, that that’s our mother, our sister, our brother, our husband, or father on the other side, that’s also just as afraid as we are.
What I would change at the moment is the censorship that is apparently occurring. I say apparently because I don’t have complete quote unquote proof of that, but it seems that there seems to be censorship occurring from the governing institutions that owned these social media companies. I think in that censorship and I get it like the reason or excuse for it, whichever way you want to look at it is that it’s misinformation that’s being put out there, we’re removing it. But that doesn’t make sense to me when we’re talking about human evolution and expansion synonymous with expansion is freedom.
And that there is something that’s really deeply embedded in freedom of expression, freedom of communication, freedom of being seen, where I just don’t think that those platforms have the right to do that. So I would definitely shift that if we could, if that would be possible.
What shifts much of anything else I’ll tell you? Why? Whilst I see a lot of information lost in translation through the written word. And again, there are many reasons for this. When we look at the development of globalization technology and the way we process and absorb information, we have a very short attention span. That’s why reading is actually a really important practice to have in your day because it allows you to walk out a lot of infants and input and century because it’s just coming into your environment.You’re sitting in stillness and silence, hearing your own breath is very important.
Take aside out inability to I might put a post up and in that post, I do my absolute best to convey a message. But if someone is really, really triggered on the other side, And they already have a predisposition towards a particular belief system the way that message may be interpreted, it’s not exactly how was intended now. That’s going to happen in any form of communication, but it’s accelerated through social media because we’re piecemealing information together.
People post that we piecemeal information together. It’s part of the culture of social media.And so you put a single study out there, first of all let’s study needs to be longer and it needs to be cross-cultural. There needs to be enough of a sample size. It needs to be replicable people. So many people don’t understand science, and it’s not our fault per se, it’s that it’s not taught adequately in school. It’s another atria education system. And so how we. Perceive connect to information express, et cetera. So what I was getting at was if I see a piece of information that shows us a statistic that says we’ve absolutely done the right locking everything down. I made it with curiosity.We’re so fucking reactive because we have a disposition and our identity and everything that we’re associated with is attached to that disposition that we can’t shift it.
Our World today
We’re living in an ecosystem that we’ve created. Algorithms now are so smart and AI is so smart. Most humans don’t train them. Like it is literally delivering to us.
What we told it, we wanted now of course, there’s human interaction. But there’s also this thing that everybody misses that from day one, we gave up our right to privacy and we didn’t join a platform we create.
He’s an interesting thing. What if we will just stop using social media for one month? Every single user that was on social media, across the main platforms, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Tik Tok, Twitter, Linkedin. So I know it would be very difficult to do, but what if the thought experiment we stopped using every single person stopped using it for a month? We could rally to stop using it for a month. What would happen total?
Once you understand that this is what’s happening, that we’re on platforms that are going to be censored, that we’re in an economy and a society that votes with their attention. And it’s kind of a crux that also gives you the field. To play on, and then you choose what ethics and morals you bring to that field to either contribute to the problem or to create a solution and something different.
So whenever information is presented to us that doesn’t resonate with us, instead of again, either I being curious or standing in our parents say, you know what, bro, that doesn’t resonate with me, but here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s how I’m going to receive it. I’m not going to receive a violently. I’m not going to receive it by abusing you. I’m not going to, I’m not going to get my little wounded boy to come out and get all scared.
And then I’m going to attack you and be defensive. I’m going to hide. I’m going to receive that in a healthy way. We’re going to have a mature conversation about it. I’m going to present to you, my disposition. I’m going to present you, my vantage points, my perspectives, and maybe we’re going to learn something from each other.
Imagine that the pals of be governmental institutions and large corporations and industries that basically lead and govern the way we do life in the world in many different ways. Big tech, big pharma, agribusiness, petrochemical, industry, government, so forth. Let’s assume they just said, you know what? We probably do things a little ineffectively and literally, and efficiently we own it. We’ll take it. And maybe do things a little differently. Chances of that happening are about zero to fuck-all because we’re so addicted to our way of being, having to be right, because we’re so wrapped up in it. There’s so much riding on it. It’s we’ve created a rod for our own backs in our society and without getting on a massive tangent.
There’s just so much that we don’t think about because we reactive. Why don’t we just step back? I was that rule 80% prep, 20% execution. Measure five times caught once. Success comes at the, at the intersection of intentionality and discipline or clarity, intentionality and discipline. I think one of the biggest takeaways that like I always learned from you is that your meticulous.You’re meticulous in your practice and not what your practice looks like, the commitment to your practice, the commitment to the small things.
Just sit with it. And the rest will reveal itself when people say, but I’ve been sitting with it for a month or three months or six months or 12 months, or. Well, are you sitting with it with non-judgment or you sitting with simple observation, or are you saying this is good and that’s bad because if you’re saying this is good and that’s bad, and you’re segregating what you’re experiencing and you’re compartmentalizing, which the brain does very well. But if you apply that to here, the monkey mind takes over. You think you’re processing it, but you’re not because there’s an undertone of judgment and this is an easy to do.
If you want to deepen your service, you have to deepen your practice. Most of the time people want to help others because it’s a wound for them. They gain their value outside of themselves. So when they are of service to others, so there’s a shadow aspect of this. So serving others or creating something in the world or status or titles or material wealth or whatever it may be, or accumulation of something or being seen in a particular way. Is less for other people and more for our own fragility of ego or the wounded parts of ourselves.
And most of us are in the shadow aspect of it. So serving others or creating something in the world or status or titles or material wealth or whatever it may be, or accumulation of something or being seen in a particular way. Is less for other people and more for our own fragility of ego or the wounded parts of ourselves.
And so what it looks like is the people pleasing or appeasing or trying to be seen in a particular way or codependency in other words my self worth is predicated on how you treat me or how you see me or what you say to me or what you give me what you do for me. If I do really nice things for you, if I serve the world, why you see me in a particular way, you give me accolades, you shower me with attention.
Deepening Commitment and Relationship
So you want to deepen your service team in your practice. And what that really means is deepening commitment to yourself, to your own resolve, to healing, those parts of you that are wounded, that maybe you haven’t neglected that maybe that attention that you wanted from your dad when you were younger. I don’t lie if in terms of you being hyper competitive or you striving and can you keep up making that goal on more and further away from you because enough is enough ever enough or you’ve experienced physical abuse as a kid, from someone that you really cared about and that you trusted and you can’t trust at the moment. You wear this mask and you paint this facade of your life, where you are at, and it’s all about what you’re doing for the world, but really you’re trying to give yourself something, but you never really giving it to yourself because it’s always done through the expression of the means of something else.
And that just wears us down, man. It’s fucking tiring. It’s draining. We build and cultivate resentment for ourselves and for others, we isolate ourselves. We go back into those stories of I’m meant to be alone. I can’t trust anyone. I can never get close. Intimacy, love, and vulnerability is risky. Well guess what? Yes, these relationships are risky facing our stuff. It comes with risk being real with who we are and not pretending it comes with risk. It comes with a risk of rejection and abandonment and humiliation
We talk a lot about. The Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And we focus a lot on the physical, which is we absolutely need that.
We need shelter, the food, the water, the oxygen we need, we need the clothing, but we forget that the human touch to being seen, being heard, being understood, accepted, respected, appreciated, and that being reciprocal. And the only way that can truly authentically be reciprocated is when we’re working on our own stuff and we’ve cleared our past so that present version of ourselves is not a repeat as Joe Dispenza would say, we’re just living our past lives in the present moment, but paraphrase that, but we’re actually neurologically behaviorally, emotionally, but we’re actually choosing for the first time ever. To be real and be ourselves because practice with choosing to be real and choosing to not live in fear and pain cause that’s what we’re essentially, we’re doing the aspects of the protector within us, a coming out it’s time to change the yeah, because what happens is how we behave as adults. Is what we expect is based on what we experienced as children and as children, most of us have experienced some pretty gnarly stuff, in terms of disconnection, abuse, neglect Trauma of some sort in different ways.
And we would for the psyche to protect itself and for the psyche to protect the physical body, we would come up with very creative way strategies, protective strategies to ensure our safety emotionally, psychologically, and physically, sometimes it was going numb if we were being physically abused so that our nervous system would not feel the intense pain of being hit or sexually abused. Sometimes if it was, if we were told we weren’t good enough, we were bullied. We would go to TV or eating to feel better about ourselves. We would want to replace those stress hormones of cortisol and adrenaline with dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin and so forth. And if we didn’t have the people in our lives to get that from, we would go to other means. So those protective strategies, we carry them on as adults. But the thing is we’re lost safer as adults. We just don’t think we are. We don’t know that we are. And so we keep bringing out these old protective strategies that give us a particular experience. It’s very, that resembles that one of childhood, but what it does is it oscillates us and distances us because it actually pushes people away to keep us safe.
And so we have to change the God. So that soldier that’s our protective soldier. We have to say, Hey, you’ve been around for 20, 30 years. You need to sit down and have a break. I’m going to bring a new protective soldier in and he’s your predecessor. And he’s just going to do a little different job. But the only way we can do that is when we start really processing and expressing and moving through that pain that we’ve experienced. However you do that, whether you join a men’s group, whether you are with a soccer, whether you use your own practice, when he disappeared, I work with a monk and whatever it is, however you do that. And in all the different ways, we have to clear out the clutter so that we can actually just be free to live. Cause right now we’re not free to live. If we’re coming from the past, we’re dictated to deep neurological grooves that have been laid down from when we were young, the hydro patterns, emotional patterns in relationship dynamics that were just, there are just on repeat. We’re gonna change the type men.
I think for a lot of entrepreneurs, cause we, we do this because there’s parts of us that are attracted to ambiguity and uncertainty. That’s the only reason that you would be intelligent enough to become an entrepreneur. But we live, we jump into ambiguity. So imposter syndrome again is so we judge imposter syndrome, but it’s a protective strategy. It’s something that it’s a technique that we use to keep us playing safe because extending ourselves or showing upon ourselves that may be susceptible to more judgment or critique or possibility of rejection or humiliation or abandonment. So part of it is just doing it and having that, making that first step is really tough. So what can help is being surrounded by people that see you? That support you that are nonjudgmental, whether it’s a group in alignment, like a support group in an alignment with your ideals and philosophies and obviously there’s dangers with that as well.
Of course, cause you can get stuck in a vortex or of not of being niched in, in what we think and not being exposed to new nuances of being. You know, working with again,a coach or psychologist, a therapist, someone that can give you a new perspective, whatever it may be talking to your friends, people that you trust, respect, and Revere that I’m going to judge you harshly for your crazy idea that you may have. And that’s one of the ways that we can step out of that imposter syndrome.
Showing people, the work that you want to do in the world with the ideas that you have that are going to go, wow. And if they are going to, you know, critique it or say, Hey, could you do this better? They’re going to do it in a compassionate way.
They’re going to do it in a way that’s actually going to pull you forward. It’s constructive. It’s not, you’re a worthless piece of shit, which reinforces an idea of I’m worthless. I won’t even try this. I would think there are so many. Fucking grand ideas out there and solutions. Not that we would necessarily implement them because society is so scared of change. But so many of mine, in fact, I’m not even going to say what I’m going to say, because there are already so many amazing solutions out there to collective problems that we have that aren’t being utilized for that reason.
There are so many know ideas out there that probably aren’t even proposed because people are so afraid of being ridiculed because I have that imposter syndrome, they have that lack of belief in themselves. So getting to the core of where that belief comes from and working with that in a psychodynamic emotional place can really help individuals move beyond that. We are really great at finding evidence as to why we can’t do something to keep us in that safe zone. And if you want to strengthen your perspective, Get a new perspective because that will actually strengthen your perspective or it may dissolve it or parts of it. And if it does that, it’s not a bad thing because it means you’re evolving and shifting as well. And so don’t get bullied down in everything.
And don’t get bogged down in we’re all going to die because there were both extremes one’s dystopia, one’s complete ignorance and somewhere in the middle there. And maybe not even in the middle, but on another fucking line, another barometer, another spectrum is some, a different level of truth that can expose your own shortcomings and the areas of life that you need to work on, where you can actually feel better.
Every state that we experienced is necessary, whether it’s sadness, anger, joy, bliss, whatever you name it. We kind of one without the other they’re opposing forces, we live in a world of polarity. . But we do have this desirable and undesirable States. If we lined up a thousand people and we said, hands up, if you would prefer happiness over sadness, I’m pretty sure unless some of those people have a pathology, not 199 of them are going to put their hand up and say, yes, happiness. Not because sadness has no value though, because it’s quote unquote bad because it’s just not a desirable state. We live in societies that we don’t meet. The spectrum of, of experience. We don’t embrace it. We don’t meet it with openness.