In this post we talk about a guarded “Fountain of Youth” secret to thriving in life & business… And it has nothing to do with your funnel, your social media, or influencer.
The secret ingredient to success is breath. Today we’re going to talk about breath and we’re also going to talk about how life and business and self are one in the same. See, I made this mistake for. Good 10 years. It’s like I’m going to go be a good business guy and then I’m going to go home and I’m going to be a good husband and then I’m going to go be a good dad and then I’m going to go to the gym and I’m going to be a good gym guy.
But then you know what? Like, I’m not going to eat that good and I’m not going to be that good of a friend cause it’s just not important to me or it’s not a priority right now. And I literally spent 20 years of my life justifying things and putting things in containers. I was like. No. Like I’m a good human.
I’m doing good. Look like I’m good at work, right? So if I’m good at work, it means I’m a good husband. And if I’m good at work, it means I’m a good dad, right? And I put these compartments around things, right. And I was like, no, no. It just, it means this thing, right? And then I would be like, you know what? I’m going to be lazy at the gym today.
I’m going to quit that rep in the workout. Right? Like nobody’s going to know I only did eight instead of 10 or nobody’s going to know I only ran a mile instead of two. Right. I still did it. I still did it. Right? Yeah. fast path to failure. There are no compartments, right? That is ego. That is monkey mind.
That is chatter that is literally self fulfilling, self sabotage and mediocrity defined in real life. See, see, I operated for a long time thinking that I could only give full time, effort in certain areas of my life and expect fulltime results everywhere. And I had this dissonance, right? I had this cognitive dissonance, like I believed it to be one way, but in actuality it was very, very different.
And the only person I was lying to as myself, and as I started exploring this life of like growth and success and, and marriage and consciousness and the things that I spend my time working on now, some very wise mentors and teachers. Emotionally broke my nose about 25 times. I felt like Mike Tyson was punching me in the face with some of their feedback and I’d listen and I’d be like, no, no, I’ve got it all figured out.
They’re like, you’re in A hole. I’m like, no, I’m not. Look, look, look, look, look. And they’re like, no. And they, every time that I always had that question to create the dissonance and cut through the noise, and the truth was, is that I was more addicted. To being right than I was about being a good person. I wanted to say that I could do it all without doing it all.
I wanted to say that I was being a good husband without putting in the work. I wanted to say that I was the best in the world without putting in the reps. I wanted to say I was the best business guy without doing the the licks and the practice. Right. I wanted to say I was the super bowl champion, even though I’d never put pads on and been hit.
And to gut me. Do a point. It’s almost like if you look back at it, that I was able to function like that, right? But at what cost? I had success on paper, quote unquote paper. I was a 22 week New York times bestseller. I had a number one app in the world. I had a business that was getting 5 million people a month to see it.
I had a half a million social media fans and I was more depressed. Suicidal, sad, angry, resentful, narcissistic, sociopathic, than any other human on the planet could ever be. Because I was literally a walking in congruency, and the only person I was lying to is myself. And so what I’ve learned as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, as a, as a human.
Is that the path forward is awareness and honesty with self and not from a place of like, I’m a bad person or fault or blame or guilt or shame, but in order for me to move forward, I have to see where I’ve been and I have to be in love with the fact that it is a part of my process. I have to love my shadows just as much as I love my light and when I think about it there were a few critical pieces missing in my life. One of them was breath. Because I spent most of my life talking, not breathing. Another one was self-awareness because I never gave myself the space to check in. Another one was self-love because I looked at everything of evidence.
I was either I was doing it right or I was doing it wrong, and either way I was reacting and those things added up together. Was like a recipe for disaster soup. And I never liked how it tasted, but for some reason I would fight to eat it every single night. And as my dear friend mentor, amazing human being on the planet, Jim Kwik says, if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.
And I had plenty of moments, plenty of, pivotal moments where I should have let them go. Right? And I could shoot myself to death here. But the truth was, is that I hadn’t felt it enough. I wasn’t in a deep enough relationship with myself. I wasn’t in a deep enough practice and aware enough to have it heard enough to shift.
But then I realized that. Once I made the shift that the path back to that habit and to that disaster soup was slippery and it was slippery without practice. It was slippery without self honesty. It was slippery. Without discipline and intentionality and and team and team being myself and the people that are around me and in all of this and why I’m on this tirade and this rant and this diatribe, whatever you want to call it, I feel like.
I want to give everybody a permission slip to fast forward the things that took me 20 years to learn what feels like 20 years of suffering because I had it so wrapped up into my mind, right? Like I’m an entrepreneur. I feel like entrepreneurs love unpredictability. We love uncertainty, right? Like we love proving it.
Look, we can do it. We can build a business. We can create an idea. We can launch a product, we can get a customer, we can close a funnel. We can make an ad convert, right? Yeah. And if you’re not aware of that addiction. It’s a dangerous game because I weighed my laurels on my success in that addiction. I weighed my value on if I was able to do it or not, and it was a very vicious cycle.
It was ups and downs and extremes, and it was like it was bipolar tendencies mixed in because I was attached to all the wrong things. I had taken all my value as a human, as a person, and I put it outside of myself. And I put it outside of myself because I didn’t really know who I was because I never gave myself the space.
I wasn’t self-aware. I didn’t breathe for a minute. I didn’t make conscious choices about what I wanted to do, and I convinced myself that I was doing good. I’m like, look, if I work 20 hours a day, I’m by default. A good husband. Yeah. Because working 20 hours a day is one of the five love languages. Right.
That’s how you fill the love bucket of yourself and your family, right? Like, I’m pretty sure my wife was like, I do. She’s like, yeah, I do commit to you filling my love bucket by ignoring me 20 hours a day and then telling me, but look, we have a bigger house. No, and I’m pretty sure my three year old looks me in the eyes and he’s like, daddy, you know, I can tell that you love me because you ignore me 20 hours a day for your ego and validation and the addiction that you pretend isn’t there and that hurts when I say it.
I lost the first two years of my son’s life because I was addicted to the wrong things, and I even convinced myself it’s because I was making a difference on the planet. Great.
So why am I sharing this. Well because it’s not that way anymore. As I have tears streaming down my cheeks with a smile in the most beautiful setting in the world, just cause it’s not that way anymore. And if I look at what was underneath it, you know, I talked about this in another episode, I talked about the power of space, right?
The power of space is one tool that I use every day. And the power of breath is another one. And when I take those two and I combine them together, what it gives me is it gives me a container where I see nothing but radical honesty with myself, where I see nothing but an accurate picture of how I’m showing up in the world and the congruency or in-congruencies of how I’m showing up in the world.
It gives me this space to make micro adjustments to fulfill on the promises and the commitments that I make in the world. And now. I’ve realized the secret isn’t doing 20 hours of work a day to justify my value as a human or to fill my tank as a human. It’s spent doing 20 hours of self work every day so that the work I do inside shines brightly to the world and creates the results that I’ve been doing in business.
And it’s a very, very big distinction but I realized that I couldn’t fill one tank in the world that I couldn’t with integrity, help one customer or potential customer or with integrity help one student or any student or one business partner or one friend or my wife or my children, unless,I filled my tank first because anything less than that is just manipulation.
Because if my tank is empty or even slightly drained, I’m making decisions from a place of scarcity and reactivity and seeking something in return, which means I’m low level manipulating everybody and justifying it by, I’m here to serve you and it’s a dangerous game because you can build $1 million business.
You can build a 10th but screw it. I’ve seen people build $10 billion business is doing it, but at what cost. And that’s something that I ponder every day. There’s a really good book that I recommend everybody. I actually think I make everybody in my life read it cause it was a really good book for me. And it’s called the little book of clarity by Jamie Smith or Jamie smart.
Jamie Smith, I think. Right? Tyler it’s smart? Smart. Jamie smart. It’s a little book of clarity. It’s a white cover. It’s Jamie something. I’ll learn it one day I read the book, not that title. And the author, but I realized that in in this, this trap that I was in of like I’m being a good businessperson or I’m being a good workout guy.
I had this level of toxic thinking wrapped into my brain that like, if I do this enough, then I’ll have this. If I make this number, then I’ll change. If I create this result, then it will be different. But what really happened? I hit the number. What did I do? I moved the finish line again and I started again.
I hit the result and what did I do? I minimized it because my tank was empty and then I went back into the addictive cycle. Right? And so what I’ve realized now, and listen, I’ll be self-aware and honest with you, and I say this all the time. If, if you graded me on this scale of like. Zero being I’m not self aware to a hundred being I know exactly who I am, what I want to do in the world, understand life, understand consciousness, understand everything.
I’d give myself a 3.7 and I’m in love with that fact because if I can be this happy at a 3.7 I can only wonder with my tank being this full, what I can do to actually lead by example and positively benefit the world, which is what we do. As entrepreneurs, as business owners, there’s people that are listening or watching this.
Only reason that this is being consumed is because you’re a leader. You’re an Olympic athlete. See, I tell people this all the time. You’re already an Olympic athlete, but name me one Olympic athlete that doesn’t have a coach. You can’t write why all of us have greatness inside of us. And in my opinion, every single person who makes a stand on this planet to be an entrepreneur, to be a business owner, to be a leader, to be a husband, to be a wife, to be a boss, to be a coach, to be anything, or even be a student innately has greatness sewn into their DNA and already has the capacity to win the Olympics.
And you’re competing at the level, but it’s the micro adjustments that shaved the milliseconds. That go from finishing 74th at the Olympics to standing at number one on the podium. And so as I share this, what I would challenge everybody to do is to incorporate space and breath and awareness and ensure that the tank is full and that the come from a solid and just like everything I said, that there’s integrity in your word and with yourself and that you have.
Nontoxic thinking because every one of us is great in who we are, not in what we do. Every one of us is great in our choices and our intention, not in how our content is received. Every one of us is great. Whether your ad works or doesn’t work, whether your email opens or doesn’t work or your funnel converts or doesn’t convert, none of that has anything to do with your value.
Your value is already one because you’ve made a commitment to serve the world. Whether it’s monetarily driven, whether it’s impact driven, it’s altruistic, it doesn’t matter because you’re doing what most people don’t do, which you’re pursuing greatness and you’re making micro adjustments in your life and so for me.
It’s still a practice. Every day it feels like a workout to wake up and give myself space. It feels like a workout to put it in my calendar to, to force myself to breathe. But you can ask those around me. I have an alarm that goes off on my phone every 30 minutes and literally it just says breathe mother ever.
And I stop and it, every time I stop and I take two breaths and I take those two breaths to remind myself that I’m here. And I’m safe that I get to choose in that moment that I can be in that moment and then in that I make a proactive choice and who I want to be for the next couple moments till that next alarm goes off, I can get trapped in distraction, trapped in calls, trapped in emotion, trapped in fear, but it’s a pattern interrupt breath.
As soon as I sit here, can I take that breath just reminds me of why we’re all doing this and we’re doing this to help the world, to help each other, to achieve greatness, but the greatness is we’re achieving presence and connection and evolving the human experience so that we can all love each other, help each other, and serve each other.
And it starts with serving ourselves. And so my challenge for everybody is to breathe more. Just breathe more. Breathe, breathe into space. Breathe into your body. Breathe into your life, breathed the new anxiety. Breathe into fear within the pain. Just breathe. Find a breathwork. It’d be one a day. It could be one breath a day, one minute a day, 10 minutes a day.
You could do transformational breathwork. You could do box breathing. You could do four, seven, eight breathing. You could do a half breathing. But I learned this a long time ago. Humans don’t breathe. We talk and entrepreneurs really don’t breathe.
We talk forever and I can’t think of one way to lose the game when we just pause and take a breath. And so I’m going to end with a couple of breaths and wish you many breaths in your life.